Are Vegans Sexier than Meat Eaters?

Several years ago, back when I was still eating animals, I visited the Chicago Field Museum to see an exhibit on man-eating lions. A Hollywood film had just been made about the animals, and according to both the movie and an exhibit sign, the museum's two cats had lived particularly ferocious lives. In 1898 they stalked and killed over 130 railroad workers, and yet, despite their ferocious history, the stuffed lions weren't scaring anyone. Museum visitors were smiling and posing for photos with the famous lions, and, if I had had a camera, I would have probably done the same. This was because they were adorable. Apparently the lions had been used as rugs for a number of years, and by the time they were sewn back together, they'd grown both smaller and cuter. I even reached across the Plexiglas barrier to touch one, but stopped when a sudden thought scared the pants off me. The lions' skin, fur, teeth, and nails had all been grown, nourished, and vitamined by human flesh.

Like the man-eating lions on display, we human beings are, to some extent, exactly what we eat. And though our meals aren't half as gruesome as the lions', our bones, muscles, and organs are still very much the product of our diet. I don't pretend to understand protein synthesis, but I do know that hair grows one half-inch a month. And this means that vegan hair grows that half-inch from fruits, grains, vegetables, and nuts while carnivore hair grows from animal flesh. I find the idea of the former far more attractive, and I think other people do too. After all, fancy salon shampoos list fruits and vegetables and flowers in the ingredients, not tortured cuts of meats.

Another thing to consider is that vegan food itself is probably sexier than meat. While a tomato suggests a woman's behind, a rump roast is, well, a behind. And I'm not sure if there's anything less sexy than that Chef Boyarde. The Chef himself is attractive enough in his own way, but eating canned animal flesh that has sat on a grocer's self at room temperature for several months is not. I'd sooner encounter a woman gnawing on her own foot, which is simply to say, fresh is sexier than preserved. Or, as one particularly saucy woman put it on the, "I find my husband more sexually appealing knowing that he is not a vessel full of decaying carcasses."

Of course, I speak mainly of psychological considerations, but there are physical aspects as well. I'm no doctor, but from my experience, vegans usually seem fitter than meat eaters, and if you're into that sort of thing, they're often thinner too. Then there's this important consideration. Male vegans are far less likely to suffer from impotence than their meat-eating counterparts. Animal products clog blood vessels, and apparently these are needed to maintain good erections.

In conclusion, I doubt that a vegan diet actually makes hair, skin, teeth, or any other body part look, feel, or taste much different. But then again, I have heard stories. If you're curious, I suggest locating a vegan and finding out for yourself.